Monday, June 18, 2012

Dad Rules

Still feeling a little silly after Father's Day, getting a full night's sleep with just one attempted invasion (Both boys were more or less dead due to a day at the park) will do that. So, in honor of being silly...

Dad Rules:

  1. The amount of time needed to get kids ready and out the door is inversely proportional to how badly you want to go. If you're not all that interested in shoe shopping, they will be ready in record time.
  2. Kids come out knowing how to be cute, they can't help themselves. 
  3. Kid tummies make great instruments for making a wide range of interesting noises.
  4. You can never, ever read too much.
  5. You can however read the same book way too many times.
  6. Never trust a smiling child's promise, unless the fulfillment of said promise will happen within the next 2 minutes.
  7. If you want to keep a secret from your wife, don't tell your 4-year-old. Of course, they will proceed to tell Mommy that she needs to keep the secret from herself as well before he tells her.
  8. Babies do not acknowledge the meaning of the word "Wait!"
  9. You give them technology, they hand you back an expensive paper holder.
  10. You might have married her first, but you will always lose the battle over who gets Mommy's attention. See Rule 2.
  11. As a father you will find that one must reach back to your boyhood when gross things that made your mom squeal were great. Not only do they allow you to impress your sons, but they will also allow you to deal with the insides of loaded diapers without batting an eyelash.
  12. There is nothing like answering your child's question. Now if someone can find me an answer to "Are you Daddy-Thomas-Makoto-Mommy-Hikaru-Anpanman-cookies?" I'd be grateful.
  13. Unless they are sleeping, quiet is the enemy. That just means they are up to something. Actually, even when they are sleeping, if they are quiet, they are up to something.
  14. Rubber Duckie is actually quite catchy. 
  15. You will find yourself becoming an expert on the engines of Thomas, the members of the Disney character list, and other things or else you will find yourself being taken to task by a four-year-old the first time you get it wrong.
  16. It's amazing just how a day at the park can become the best experience in your child's young life, even if the day was spent trailing a toddler.
  17. Speaking thereof, there is NO ONE as serious as a toddler pointing out his or her favorite kind of toy, repeatedly. 
  18. The best times are the times that you are there, even if all you're doing is sitting and being an unconquered peak for two giggling boys to attempt. 
  19. It's best to always look down, it keeps you from having to look down and see what you put your feet into this time.
  20. If you speak fast enough, you can sell just about anything as educational to your wife.
  21. One should always make sure to sneak out with your sons to enjoy something forbidden by Mommy, like ice cream, at least once or twice a year. Of course, a real man then takes one for the team and lets her scold him instead of the children.
  22. Taking care of your children makes you appreciate your wife all that much more.
  23. You have the wisdom of the ages, they have micro-engines fueled by anything they can eat... guess who wins?
  24. Daddy is Superman to his sons, better act like it.
  25. You'll find that there is no better reward than a hug from a child... and an offer to chew on the all important blanket.  

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