Makoto and Vampires, and Nekkied Boobs! Oh Myyyy!

Makoto wanted a vampire movie.

I really don't know why. I mean, the kid was playing with the flashcards that I was using for my Halloween lessons and it does have a vampire in it, but just from that one cartoony image, he decides that he needs a scary vampire movie.

What we ended up doing was heading over to the local video store (Yes, they still have them in Japan, but this rents movies, CDs, games, and sells books too) to look for some Halloween films that would be scary enough for a 5-year-old without getting into both-children-are-now-permanently-attached-to-Daddy's-leg kind of scary. Obviously this would take some fine line walking and for the light of me, I couldn't remember a single vampire film that didn't either get way too scary (Fright Night or Lost Boys), too emo (Interview with the Vampire) or just wander into no... just no territory (Twilight). What I thought was just skipping the whole vampire bit and going for Disney's The Legend of Sleepy Hollow. Now I might be a bit odd, but that cartoon scared the dickens out of me when I was a little boy and I remember any number of nightmares about being chased by the headless horseman.

Yes, THIS gave me nightmares, THIS!

Oddly enough, the bad part of the dreams wasn't the idea that he would cut off my head, but that he would show me what was down his neck.

Alas, even for a country that loves Disney, we couldn't find it. We also couldn't find the original Dracula or Frankenstein (But we could find Young Frankenstein, which for some reason was in the horror section). We did get Nightmare Before Christmas, but Makoto was hankering for a scary movie and kept 'suggesting' various titles (I.e. picking them out at random). It was a constant stream of "How about this?" (Child's Play) "No." "This?" (Friday the 13th Part I) "No." "This one?" (Paranormal Activity) "Oh heck no!" Meanwhile of course Hikaru, having wandered over to the SF section was pointing out the movie he recognized. "Superman! Superman! Superman! Superman!" and trying to fly like the hero.

THIS was his choice

Finally, time growing short, Makoto handed me "Vampires: The Turning" and I didn't know anything about it. So of course we grabbed it, and Superman II and went home. The plan was, ok, I'll check the movie online before showing it too Makoto just in case it was too scary or had anything that wouldn't go over well.

What I read on IMDb wasn't exactly recommending the film as something a 5-year-old would be wise to see. For one thing, it was supposed to be the third film in John Carpenter's Vampires series. I had seen the first film, even read the original book. I liked the first film a lot, it was a good vampire flick, scary, action packed, and very enjoyable... for a college guy. For a young boy... Uh... Well, not only was it a really scary movie, but well... the language leaves a lot to be desired, especially in terms of little boys who mimic everything they hear (Yeah, having Hikaru say "cocksucker" would go over really well with Beloved), and of course I did remember that just about every single female in that movie ends up extremely naked. Sometimes it seems like it you were a woman in that film, your clothes would spontaneously combust just so we could see your bust.

This wasn't something that was looking good.

But hark! Apparently this was the bastard red-headed step-child of the Vampires series and one that John Carpenter had nothing to do with. One it was set in Thailand and featured a different take on things, and two it was mostly a martial arts film. The problem I did have was twofold. One, Makoto was demanding to be allowed to see his scary vampire movie and two, there was this entry in the IMDb:

There is a scene where the Stephanie Chao "a good vampire" bites a willing person that wants to be temporarily turned to save his girlfriend and then has sex with him.
They fall in love and she bites and kisses his neck at the same time repeatedly.
Next scene seconds later: Stephanie Chao is having sex on the man nude (Breasts and nipples) are seen and she is riding him while he is turning into a vampire. Sex, nudity, and graphic sexuality seen.

 This put me in a bit of a bind. Beloved and I have talked about the day that will eventually come when we've got to explain to our sons about the birds and bees. I, personally, plan to take a page from my mother and I'm waiting for them to either ask me where babies come from, or around age 10ish or so, whichever comes first. In the mean time however, what I don't want to do is suggest to either of my sons that their bodies are somehow shameful or dirty. I really dislike that bit about various cultures that we tell children that they need to hide this part of them. It's one thing to explain that it's what we do as it's socially required, but... well... It just doesn't seem right to tell a boy that his penis is dirty so he shouldn't touch it. Or that sex itself is somehow shameful or disgusting and needs to be hidden.

I'm not trying to say I want my sons to be exhibitionists or to go out scoring chicks (Or guys, depending) every night. Indeed, when the time comes my rules are going to be very firm: I would like you to wait until marriage or at least in a long term relationship. Even if you choose not to follow my wishes, you WILL use protection even if I have to buy it for you myself. And if you DO happen to impregnate a girl, you will support her and respect her wishes or else you will learn the truth of the phrase 'I brought you into the world and I can damn well take you out of it'. What I am trying to say however is that I want my sons to have a healthy attitude about sex, their bodies, and their sexuality because I feel that not being ashamed or scared of it makes them far more likely to be knowledgeable and to talk to me about it instead of listening to the grapevine and assuming that, really, if the girl jumps up and down really hard afterwards she won't get pregnant.

That said, at age 5, this isn't the talk we need to have right this minute and I don't plan to get a subscription to some of the more interesting magazines in Japan to provoke that talk.

Which came back to the problem... This movie had a sex scene, with naked boobies. And Makoto wanted to watch it. I didn't want to just say no because I didn't want him to take away the lesson of shame, etc. But on the other hand... I didn't want to start this up right now. And there was the violence factor as well, I don't want him exposed to too much of it (Something that finally dawned on me while watching The Dark Knight on TV one night. After the Joker's 'magic trick' it occurred to me that my sons really shouldn't be watching this yet).

There was one compromise I could see to allow Makoto to see his scary vampire film and to make sure things didn't get into areas either violent or sexual that I didn't want him to deal with yet. I would watch the movie with him, remote in hand. I figured it if started getting a bit too much... we'll skip.

Besides, as I said to Beloved, if he does get a boobie shot, at least it's an Asian boob and nothing he hasn't seen before... which prompted Beloved to smack me.

So we settled down, got ready to watch the third instillation of the Vampires series... Makoto's scary vampire movie picked out of the horror section at the video store next to such thrillers as Paranormal Activity and Ring.

It.

Was.

So.

Bad.

We're talking Mystery Science Theater fodder here. We're saying beyond b-grade. We're saying a lead actor whose acting range was pretty much a constant expression of "fierce determination" (Or possible constipation  it's hard to say which). We're talking about a plot that makes less than no sense, actions that make even less sense than that, and vampires that mostly just wander around to smile and show off their teeth and contacts.

CHEEESE!

Yeah... I very quickly forgot worrying about Makoto being frightened about the vampires or the so-called martial arts or dirt bike chases and instead just proceeded to make fun of how gut achingly bad this movie was. Even Makoto could sense that something was off and was giggling through most of it.

And yes, when we did get to the sex scene, it too was so bad that I don't think Makoto even noticed, especially on fast forward. Beloved even wandered over to toss me a look that said plainly "This was what we were worried about?!"

So, I protected my sons against the dangers of violence and sexuality until they are old enough to handle them better... I think though that at least Makoto can handle bad movies, especially if Daddy is near by to help with the MST'ing.

There's just one thing to say to that:

Push the button, Frank!

This is Halloween!

Japan has imported a few holidays. Mother's Day and Father's Day more or less survive with how they are celebrated elsewhere (Though as I have written, Father's Day seems to have become a sneaky way for moms to get an extra day off). Valentine's Day and Christmas have been changed quite a bit as various aspects of Japanese businesses have latched on to them for use to promote their products, chocolate for Valentine's Day and the hotel and fried chicken industry for Christmas (More on that in December), which leads to a bit of a struggle on my part because I want my sons to know the holidays for what they actually are and not think of KFC when Christmas rolls around.

But then there's Halloween, my favorite holiday.

And one that hasn't, quite, figured out what to do with itself.

It's not from lack of trying mind you, if anything the elements are already there. Japan loves a good scare. Japan abounds with monsters and ghosts a plenty, it has no issue with the idea of dressing up in costume, and it does have a sweet tooth, if not as sweet as Americans. It even has a holiday season akin to Halloween, O-Bon when the spirits of the dead return and bring with them ghosts and goblins. That could be Japan's problem actually, everything that Halloween is can be found in native Japanese holidays and customs at other times of year. But the idea of Halloween has been growing, pushed on not so much by a Japanese company looking to sell something, but due to hordes of Americans who have been teaching in Japan on the JET Programme and other related endeavors.

As part of the notion of internationalization and culture sharing, just about every AET, American or not, has had to conduct some kind of Halloween lesson or party over here. With varying degrees of enthusiasm no doubt, but they have been done and slowly, it's been growing. 8 years ago and you couldn't find anything Halloween related, now even the local grocery store stocks some themed candy. 8 years ago and I had to send to the US for my costume, this year I was flabbergasted at the display over at local store that included actual make-up kits and costumes that were not Christmas related (One of my fondest memories was helping at a Halloween event my first year in Japan just to see kids dressed up as Santa Claus). It's not the Halloween stores at home, or even Wal*Mart, but it's getting bigger.

That said, we still do not have the concept of trick-or-treating over here yet, at least not a general one ala the US. So what is a Halloween loving parent to do to help his sons get this most wonderful of holidays?

It's a start!

Simple, if the Mohammed won't wander over to the mountain, the mountain is going to continue as if it was still in the US, with some slight changes. Which means that I spent most of October getting the house ready for Halloween, building a mini (by that I mean 4 tombstones) graveyards and trying to find various Halloween decorations, much to the pleasure of the boys. It means hanging a Happy Halloween banner in the living room along with a paper jack-o-lantern (Causing Hikaru to spend most of October going around saying "Happy Halloween! Jack-o-lantern!" over and over again).

Scooping pumpkins

It means 45 minute trips to find orange pumpkins for carving instead of the small green ones for eating that Japan sells. It means getting costumes from America for the boys, renting some movies, and carving 5 different jack-o-lanterns (3 for the home, two for the various schools). And of course it means finding a way for my sons to experience the ultimate (For a kid) in Halloween, trick-or-treating.

Happy Halloween in Shiojiri

Unfortunately, that meant going to Happy Halloween in Shiojiri, probably the largest Halloween event in Japan, and one that grew out of a Halloween party put on by an AET some time ago. It's also somewhat of a madhouse. You have thousands of people crammed into a little area with various events, some of which are even related to Halloween, going on and in the middle of it, trick-or-treating. But, I have two sons, one dressed as a pirate, one dressed as a cute little skeleton, and myself... the overly large gaijin dressed in a very scary skull mask... surely... we could get through this.

I admit, they were very cute!

What became apparent very quickly was that we were causing a rather quixotic reaction in people, depending on who they saw first. If it was the boys, "KAWAIIIIIII" (Cute!) was the reaction. If it was me, "KOWAI!" (Scary!) so we went along trying to find our candy stations with shouts of "Kawaii" "Kowai" "Kawaii" "Kowai" "Kawaii" "Kowai" "Kawaii" "Kowai" "Kawaii" "Kowai" echoing around us. It actually got to be a bit of a problem as a number of people tried to make off with Hikaru (Being the overly cute one) and I had a bunch of people who assumed that I was so scary, I must be part of the staff and were following me around to see when I would be handing out candy, or doing something entertaining, myself.

Actually, the bad part was that I could do nothing. I have no qualms, even when not on the clock, of adding in a good scare, but Hikaru was jittery enough and I didn't want him freaking out at a scary Daddy so... All I could do was stand there and just look spooky.

Given that I caused a few kids to cry, that was apparently enough.

But we did have a good time and much candy was gotten. Even better from the boys' point-of-view, we went out for ramen afterwards, while still in costume and all without Mommy (Which means they got to rub it in when they got home that Mommy missed out on delicious ramen).

The loot

It might not quite be the same as home, and this Wednesday all we will do is light our jack-o-lanterns as I have class and trick-or-treating is done, but... I think it's a start. After all, Makoto is already planning for what he wants to be for next year and having demonstrated carving pumpkins to some friends, they want to start carving next year too. Slowly, ever so slowly, we're bringing in Halloween, properly.

Everybody scream!

Happy Halloween!

The Stereotypical Writer's Block Blog Post

Yeah, I'm going there.

What's annoying is that there's so many things I can write about, but I want to wait on. Halloween is coming up and the boys and I have been busy with many related projects, but... given that Halloween Japan isn't the same as Halloween America and we'll be finishing up via our trick or treat'ing on Saturday... I wanted to wait a bit.

Then there's the bit about my kanji studies, the torture of working on these damn squiggly lines because after 8 years in Japan, I'm tried of having a literacy rate that is below Makoto (Who is currently teaching himself how to read Japanese). To that end I've gone the Remembering the Kanji method, which I admit so far so good, even though I am more than slightly confused as to just how and why a mouth with a shellfish equals a pop song, but since Beloved is also confused, that makes me feel better. I could rant on that for a wee bit, but... Well, it hasn't even been a week, surely I should make some more progress before stating anything.

I wanted to talk about school lunches and the differences between American grub and Japanese grub... But, I need to get a picture of Japanese grub and my students eat too quickly for that to happen.

We've been to the park again, and of course Thanksgiving is going to come with my first attempt at cooking a traditional turkey dinner for my in-laws, but that too should wait until we get more done.

Add in the boys have actually been behaving themselves and... well... we're busy, but it's the kind that doesn't lead to anything, we're just waiting right now.

So I sit and stare at a blank page and wonder just what to write, given that I've been tossed off my schedule by being busy to work towards these various goals.

Kinda funny, really, Fall is the busy season for us with birthdays, holidays, last minute travel, and getting ready for winter and yet while we're busy filling up the days, hours, minutes, and seconds of our lives it hasn't been with anything to talk about.

So, for those still reading this, I ask that you bear with me and expect a much longer post tomorrow or the day after when the boys and I come back from our Halloween treats.

When Lady Mondegreen Sings

For those of you who don't know what a mondegreen is, may I suggest a quick look at Wiki? Now I am notorious when it comes to mondegreens, probably as a result of my hearing. For the longest time I thought that song "Reach Out, I'll Be There" by The Tremeloes was actually "Oliver" and I was always confused as to just why Oliver needed to be reached out to, or if he was reaching, but either way...

And let's not get into the time when I informed my wife that the refrain to a SMAP song was sake bananas.

But a mere adult cannot hope to possibly match the masters of mondegreens, children. Given limited vocabulary and thus a small problem with anticipating the correct words and, well, the results can be rather humorous.

Take for example my two sons. Hikaru loves to sing, what we mostly sing are Thomas (Engine Roll Call) or the Japanese version of Country Road. Makoto's song list is of course slightly longer, but not exactly correct. Last night when coming out of the bath, a naked and dripping Hikaru launched into Engine Roll Call that sounded more like:

They 2 They 4 They 6 They 8
Na na na na na having fweght
Red blue brown
Na na na na na na na
Na na na na play
na na na na na na na
Na na na na na na
Thomas Thomas Thomas
Thomas he's cheek one
Hiro
James
Hikaru
Kakoto
Toby Toby Toby Toby

They 2 They 4 They 6 They 8
Na na na na na having fweght
Red blue brown
Na na na na na na na
Na na na na play
na na na na na na na
Na na na na na na
Thomas Thomas Thomas

Which isn't bad for a two year old, but hearing his beloved song mangled so brought out a naked and dripping Makoto who belted out:

They're two, they're four, they're six, they're eight
Hunting trucks and hauling weight
Red and green and brown and blue
They're the Really Use Crew
All with different moles to play
Round Tinder Sheds or far away
Down the hills and round the fence
Thomas and his friends

Thomas, he's the cheeky one
James is pain but lots of fun
Percy pulls the rails on time
Gordon hunkers down the line
Emily really knows her stuff
Henry huffs and huffs and puffs
Edward wants to help and share
Toby, well let's say he's square

They're two, they're four, they're six, they're eight
Hunting trucks and hauling weight
Red and green and brown and blue
They're the Really Use Crew
All with different moles to play
Round Tinder Sheds or far away
Down the hills and round the fence
Thomas and his friends

Which, again, ain't that bad for a 5 year old, except that he did get a few words wrong and when challenged I had to sing:

They're two, they're four, they're six, they're eight
Shunting trucks and hauling freight
Red and green and brown and blue
They're the Really Useful Crew
All with different roles to play
Round Tidmouth Sheds or far away
Down the hills and round the bends
Thomas and his friends

Thomas, he's the cheeky one
James is vain but lots of fun
Percy pulls the mail on time
Gordon thunders down the line
Emily really knows her stuff
Henry toots and huffs and puffs
Edward wants to help and share
Toby, well let's say he's square

They're two, they're four, they're six, they're eight
Shunting trucks and hauling freight
Red and green and brown and blue
They're the Really Useful Crew
All with different roles to play
Round Tidmouth Sheds or far away
Down the hills and round the bends
Thomas and his friends

Which of course brought out a dripping and naked Beloved to congratulate me on learning the words to Thomas the Tank Engine so well.

Bathroom singing at its finest folks!

Dog Bites Man

Is of course not a story. Man bites dog is.

So how about Toddler Bites Brother?

That's the headline for the week at my house and with all news that fit to stop the presses it arrived with a yell, or rather a shriek.

It all started with the usual command to clean up the room. And as with the usual command to clean up the toys, this was promptly ignored by both boys. Hikaru of course because at age 2 he'll clean up... for about two seconds and then wander off to play. And Makoto who starts thinking of new and interesting excuses as to why he didn't clean. It also started a bit of a cycle. Makoto and Hikaru would start playing, I'd tell them to clean up. Makoto would then use that as an excuse for stealing the toy that Hikaru had to "clean" (I.e. he was going to play with it now), thus sending Hikaru running down the hall to my office in tears with Makoto hot on his heels. There of course I'd comfort Hikaru and tell the both of them to GO CLEAN! Which they would, for about two seconds, and then the cycle would reset itself.

After about 6 rounds of this however Makoto suddenly screamed. And I mean screamed. It was loud enough to bring me out of my office at a dead run and sent Beloved into a minor panic. With the crying, I assumed it was Hikaru and thus was somewhat surprised to find Hikaru bolting into the playhouse and Makoto on the floor in tears. Asking what happened, Makoto finally managed to choke out that Hikaru bit him on the knee (Actually, it was more his lower thigh, but...).

Hikaru got introduced to the concept of time out, he was also told to apologize to his big brother after Beloved took over comforting Makoto and took a long to find a rather large bite mark that needed a band-aid.

What was somewhat more worrisome was the story that Makoto told us of how it wasn't a tussle, Hikaru went after Makoto with his mouth open. I wasn't aware that I was raising Jaws, but this isn't the first time we've had problems with a biting kid. Hikaru has taken to using his mouth when it comes to his fights over toys at  nursery school as well, nothing serious of course, just standard toddler, but still...

That said, we might have a chance at getting through to him that this isn't going to work. Apparently time out and the fact that Daddy put him there (And put him back into it) made an impression.

Or so Beloved thinks from the fact that during his bath, Hikaru kept saying "Time out! Time out" and tried to stand in the corner of the bathtub.

Feeling My Age

So tomorrow I turn 34. Oyaji-hood (Oyaji being Japanese for old man with old fart feel) comes closer with each year. And, admittedly  I feel my years more as I spend time trying to case down two hyperactive boys who seemingly are powered by micro-perpetual motion machines.

Seriously, how can a two year old run that fast for that long? Shouldn't he stop sometime? And the 5 year old? He never stops, even when he's asleep!

But, yes, I know it's not quite mid-thirties, but it's close enough. And after next year? Well then I'll be closer to reaching my next decade than starting it. A middle age, out of it, uncool, over weight, uninteresting dad am I.

If I may borrow a phrase from some dear friends, screw that, sideways, with the rotating cactus.

I think, if anything, the lesson I can take from my grandparents was that one really is as old as you act. This isn't to say that my grandfather was a childish man, far from it, but until shortly before his death, he just never stopped going out and doing things. And yeah, I admit that chasing after young boys is tiring, that I look forward to the notion of taking a breather more than before, but it's also... new. If being 34 means that I've seen the world around me (My area of it at least) many times, having two boys who are in the exploring stage means I get to experience it all again for the first time. I've been camping up the ying-yang, it's new for the boys and their excitement is now mine. I already know about the solar system, they don't and they are excited to learn about it (Well, Makoto is. I'm not too sure Hikaru has actually noticed the heavens yet).

I mean, sure, I long since passed the obsession I had with trains... until I had boys who are now interested in them and while I may grumble a bit about it, I don't mind going to watch them with them and experience the joys of rail watching again. I might get tired, but I end up feeling young.

But it's more than that. Yeah, I'm approaching the mid-point of my life and while it seems that I should be frustrated with the dreams that haven't happen and will never happen, those roads not taken as Robert Frost labeled them, I'm not. Instead... I want to see what happens next with my sons, my wife, my family. This could be, perhaps, because I didn't have my own father growing up so I have no real pattern to follow or to see in regards to fatherhood from toddlerhood to teenage years, but I don't think so. Instead, well, let me relate an essay in the book I Should Have Seen it Coming When the Rabbit Died by Teresa Bloomingdale.

I'm fairly sure the book was given to my mother as a babyshower gift and as was my wont, I read it a few times when growing up (This isn't unusual, for me. I read everything, including the backs of cereal boxes). It was pretty much a forerunner of this blog, a humorous take on parenthood (Motherhood in her case). Any case, the final chapter was called "Growing Old Along With Me, the Best is Yet to Be". In a bit of a change from the humor, the author related that while she was growing up at each milestone of her life when she proclaimed that this, THIS, was the peak of her life, her father would always reply "Just wait, it gets better". She related how she graduated from college, how proud she was and yet her father said wait, it gets better. She fell in love and got married, but just wait. She had the joy of being a new mother, holding her first son in her arms, but again her father said that it would get better.

The final bit was her at the wedding of her eldest son, watching this man whom she bore grow from a child to a man strong and proud who found a wonderful woman and who was now going to marry. She said silently to her departed father, if I recall correctly, "Oh Dad, you were right. This truly is the best. And I swear I heard him answer from up above, "That's what you think sweetheart!" Amazing, all this and heaven too!"

I am not at that point yet, but every day something new happens and while I might not always remember to appreciate it, I do. Tomorrow I turn 34, and in those 34 years I have lost my father, grown, graduated from college with a MA, moved halfway around the world, met the most wonderful woman on the planet, become a teacher, built a house, and have two beautiful little boys who are now on life's journeys of their own.

I ain't slowing down and getting old, I's just starting!

The best is yet to be and I can't wait to see what it will be.

Excuses, Excuses

I'm always rather amazed at the excuses that Makoto comes up with as to why he didn't do something that he was told to do. I don't mean the silly stuff like the Dalek ate my worksheet or things like that (Though he does come up with them from time to time), but I mean the more logical ones. Makoto is a rather logical little kid and his excuses are somewhat plausible... for a given value of plausible. After all, we are talking about a 5-year-old here so you have to accept a few things regarding his worldview. But to give you an example, take yesterday and the Battle over the Legos.

Yesterday was a busy day for me as Saturday I didn't manage to clean as we went hat hunting for Daddy's birthday (We didn't find one), snack hunting for the Halloween party (We found that), and our usual weekend shopping trip. That left Sunday for the weekly run of the vacuum cleaner as well as my planned assault on the bathroom.

It being October, it's soon going to be way too cold to think about scrubbing it down, rinsing with cold water, and then having the window open to let it dry.

During vacuuming though, the boys are not allowed to play with toys, the issue being that Daddy wants to get this done and not have to pick up yet another mess that was made while waiting. I admit, it's a trial for two small boys as for about a half an hour they can't play either upstairs or downstairs with their toys until I clear the room. So it was after the vacuum was finally put away that Makoto came to me to ask if I would PLEASE make him another Lego car.

No, said I. Daddy must clean the bathroom. Besides, here's the book, you can follow the directions.

Then came logical excuse number 1.

"But I can't find the parts, Daddy."

Then, said I, dump out the bucket to find them. BUT! If you do, you have to clean them up again, ok? I am not going to clean them up again, ok?

See, previous Lego cars have been a begging child who claims that he can't follow the directions (Which he can, he's proven that with the Duplo set), followed by promises that if Daddy builds it he would indeed clean up the Legos, and have always ended up with me sitting on the floor scooping Legos back into the bucket while Makoto is downstairs watching TV. No, this time I would not do so.

Promise made, Legos dumped and I attacked the bathroom with the power of Scrubbing Bubbles! Or was in the middle of it when, "Daddy! I can't find..."

Yup, Makoto was back. To make a long story short, I ended up, yet again, on the floor building another Lego car for him because he couldn't find the pieces (Though amazingly, once I told him what to look for, he had no problem finding them quickly). I admit that I shouldn't have given into him, but... well... as Beloved notes, I tend to turn back into a 10-year-old boy myself when allowed to play with Legos so...

But then the problem was the cleanup. Makoto swore that, yes, he WOULD clean up, but first Mommy was calling for the boys to come down for lunch.

And then he wanted to take a nap.

And then, well, Daddy had to leave for drill with the firefighters, but he promised, he promised that he would have them cleaned up by the time I came home. Thus when I left the after-party I called Beloved to find out that, no, the Legos hadn't been touched at all and instead all 20,000 of them were still scattered over the floor in his room. This called for a fatherly ultimatum, i.e. "Tell Makoto that if the Legos are not picked up by the time Daddy gets home, Daddy is going to take every Lego he can find and Makoto won't see them again till he's 22!"

Now it normally takes me a half an hour to walk from the firehouse to my house, depending on traffic, train, and how drunk I am. This time I decided to be slightly nice and dawdle a bit. That and I wanted to practice marching as I was getting teased about how big gaijin take big steps. But in any case, it took me closer to 40 minutes to finally arrive at the house to a hysterical 5-year-old in tears and snot.

No, the Legos were not picked up.

Sending Makoto upstairs to await his doom Beloved told me, trying to stop laughing, that Makoto had been coming up with excuse after excuse trying to get her on his side. His hands were too small to clean up all the Legos. Hikaru wasn't helping him (By which he meant that Hikaru hadn't done all of the work himself). He couldn't finish cleaning because Hikaru had taken some of the Legos.

All of which I admit were pretty good, logical, and somewhat plausible excuses. Going upstairs, still in uniform, I find Makoto still crying, a Lego bucket almost 3/4 full, and a pile of Legos still on the floor. Now this is a difficult moment as a father. On one hand, I want to impress on Makoto that he should have started this earlier. He had 6 hours to get them cleaned up, 6 hours that he did nothing. On the other, I don't want to scare him and he did get most of them up. On the gripping hand though... I admit that I was trying really hard not to laugh at him standing there dribbling snot and tears and choking out one excuse after another about why they hadn't been picked up and could Daddy please help him. It probably means I'm a terrible father, but... Yes, I admit he looked hilarious.

And, finally, I admit that I didn't really have the heart to deny my sons what was one of my favorite toys growing up. I still have fond memories of building Lego robots with my best friend and until the day we moved out of the house when I was in my mid-teens, we were still finding Legos that had been lost.

So I ended up telling Makoto that I was going downstairs to change out of my uniform and that he needed to get everything up as best he could until I returned. And they were, mostly, and I helped him with the last few handfuls of the small stuff. He did come up with one really good excuse about the whole mess, because apparently the reason why he didn't get them cleaned up was because he was trying to figure out how to build another one for Hikaru so they wouldn't fight. A sigh from Beloved told me that, no, he and Hikaru had been fighting non-stop, but I have to admit, that was a pretty good excuse.